So after that insanely strong urge to sit on the couch and eat a sammich (or two. or more.), I now have gotten off the couch and started packing up the apartment. I can live here until the end of December, which seems like forever away at this point, but I know how time warps over here. Things can simultaneously or alternately feel like several eternities or the blink of an eye, and it’s hard to tell which feeling will apply in any given situation or moment. So I’d better start packing. For multiple situations.
First, I have to pack to go to Thailand for a bit. I’m headed up to Chiang Mai for a few days just to check out the city and eat some spicy ass food. No real plans yet, but I guess I can read about what to do on the flight over. (I seriously had no idea how long the flight was or when it left or where exactly it went until I just wrote that and then decided to look. I probably wouldn’t have looked at all until the day I leave if it weren’t for writing this. man, I’m getting a little too practiced at flying by the seat of my pants. thank god i don’t need a visa.)
Then, I’ll be doing a vipassana course just outside of Chiang Mai for 10 days. It makes me all nervous and makes my palms sweat just thinking about that many days of not speaking and of meditating for nearly 12 hours every day. Dear sweet mother of Jebus. I know I can do it — it’s just a question of how much it will suck (or be a leprechauncupidmermaidphoenix festival, I guess). No phone, no contact with the outside world. Again… sweaty palms…
And after that, there’s discussion among friends of an Angkor Wat Christmas, but I may forego that (maybe…) to be able to come back to Phnom Penh to re-pack for the next trip and fully move out of my current apartment. The other day, I traded a professional consult on a client for a one-way ticket to Malaysia (yep.), so a Kuala Lumpur New Year’s is definitely on the books. (yeah, I get it. my life’s crazy good. charmed life example #968.)
The question is what to do after that. I may stay there for a bit after New Year’s and find a place to volunteer through HelpX. I’ve been in contact with a few… Or I may go to Thailand. Or I may come back to Phnom Penh and get an apartment and hang here. Or go somewhere else to volunteer. Who knows? But since I don’t really know what I’m doing after Kuala Lumpur, I can’t really know how to pack yet (just clothes for hanging in a city? for working on a farm? for being gone for three days? for six weeks?).
If you know me really well, you know that sometimes I don’t like the uncertainty of not knowing what my next major step is (completely depending on the situation). I’ve learned a lot more about myself and my decision-making skills over the last few weeks, and I now comfortably keep changing my mind every four minutes or so. It just feels ideal to know what I’m doing (or at least where I’ll be geographically) for the next 3 weeks, then have the next step wiiiiiiiiiiide open.
I just know that whatever I decide, it will be the right decision simply because I’ve chosen it.