Back when I used to do a bit of distance running, I would experience a thing that is well-known and well-documented in the running world called “post-marathon depression” (or any number of other similar titles). Now, we know this isn’t the real-deal depression (it’s not. not even close.), but it smacks of the same stuff.
And right now, as I sit here on the bed where I’ve usually sat amongst piles of papers, drafted endless emails, written presentations, and reviewed endless strings of others’ slides, I’m feeling it.
On Saturday, the students in the course I’ve been coordinating/teaching took their final exam. Afterwards, I was going to go home and take a nap before Friendsgiving (a celebration of epic proportions that deserves its own post) but couldn’t stop myself from going to a coffee shop and grading them immediately. Of course, they all did splendidly, after worrying and studying and perpetually (jokingly) asking me for the answers in advance. That group of 13 is what has made this all worthwhile. Because it’s been a bitch at times, to be completely honest. Sure, the sheer number of hours to log was exhausting, but it was the emotions that went with both the direct and indirect work I had to do that was really the draining piece.
Frustration, sadness, guilt, fear, anger.
But also satisfaction, connection, acceptance, joy.
But right now, I’m really feeling the post-major-project let-down.
You know you did good work. You met the goal. You persevered through the tough times. You kept doing your absolute best even when you thought you’d collapse. You figuratively kept putting one foot in front of the other, hoping the rest of your self could keep up at the blistering pace. YOU DID IT!
And now it’s done.
People say things like, “On to bigger and better things!” and “On to the next adventure!” And I get how that’s supposed to be helpful, but it really just sets up the expectation that I need to move on to bigger and better and MORE ADVENTUREY things from here. But really I just wanna eat a sammich and sit on the couch for a few hours.
So while it may not be on to biggerbettermoreadventurey things, it is, nearly as excitingly, “On to meetings about a new job!” and “On to finding an apartment!” (which will both likely be posts in the near future).